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Dear Claire


Dear Claire,

I am the director of education at a local authority and I am having problems with my education officers who seem to be clueless about supporting kids with additional support needs. As a result, we are having to spend vast amounts of money funding children to go to a local independent special school and I am getting it in the neck from our finance officers. What should I do?


Dear Sheena

In circumstances like this, I would advise that you fabricate concerns about that school and force it to close down so that you no longer have to pay for placements. Don’t worry if the pupils then have to sit at home for a few years because no-one will bother about that and when they reach 16 you can just pass them on to adult services or a mental health charity who will have to pick up the tab.


Dear Claire

I am the director of an English schools group and we were hoping to take over a small special school as our Scottish base for an expansion of our business into that country. We have just been told that the Care Inspectorate and local authority will delay registration and basically make our lives a misery. How can we get out of this without reputational damage after we have made so many promises to the staff and parents?


Dear Jude

Why not get one of your own staff to write a report and invent some concerns? Preferably someone with no professional integrity or interest in the welfare of vulnerable kids and their families. Try to make the Head of School and Head of Care appear to be Scotland’s equivalent of Fred and Rosemary West and then just walk away and abandon it.


Dear Claire

As a care inspector I have been instructed to raise safeguarding concerns about an independent special school which we want to close down because our friends in the local authority have told us to. The trouble is that it seems to be doing a very good job and pupils are very happy there. Can you help?


Dear Alison

The best thing might be to fake a child protection issue, close the school by telling the governors that it is very serious and that you will close it if they do not, and then deny what you have done. Nobody will bother as they are accustomed to corruption in Scotland and will all just walk away.


PS Try to make it look as if the governors have closed the school for financial reasons. That works well.

Dear Claire

I am the Education Minister for Scotland and have been told by my regulators to impose conditions on a small special school even though there appear to be no problems there. Do you think I should do this if there is no evidence to support what I am doing?


Dear John

It is my view that you can do what the f*ck you like because there is no effective opposition in Scotland and you can get away with anything you want to. Start-off by referencing “serious child protection concerns” if anyone starts asking questions, and then deny you ever said that if they demand evidence. That tends to be very effective.


Dear Claire

My child was happily attending a small special school when it was suddenly closed down as the result of pressure from the authorities. He is distraught, has lost the friendships he had, and may never go to school again. Everyone appears to be lying about why it closed. What can I do?


Dear Parent

Basically you are stuffed. There is no system of justice in Scotland to address any wrongs that have been done and anyway it is your own fault for having a child with additional support needs.

My advice would be to emigrate.


Bill Colley